Have you had Holiday Gatherings with family and friends and the next day you feel like you’re wiped out and need to lay on the couch and watch TV?
Me too!
This is especially true for ADD brains and introverts. The social stimulation, even with people you love, can be overwhelming and overload the nervous system, triggering a need for recovery. It’s real, the nervous system needs restoration.
This is fresh for me, having just attended my girlfriend’s family Christmas for the first time. Here are my coping strategies for the day before a big event, the day of, and for recovery afterwards. Also what I learned about the science of social recovery based on my HRV readings.
A Big Christmas with a lot of people I didn’t know very well- Managing Social Anxiety
Even though I love my girlfriend and her family is great, it’s still triggering for me as an introvert and ADD brain (with accompanying anxiety) to be in an unknown and unpredictable setting- 15 people and 2 dogs. Four of the people were kids, two of them 2 year olds.
It’s easy for my nervous system to mistake the anticipatory anxiety and day of event stress load for a mountain lion in my path!
Coping the day before
What can I do the day before and in the days leading up to a big event?
Talk about it. I was able to discuss my concerns and fears with my girlfriend, which is a blessing. We were able to laugth at the magnitude of it- a big family Christmas with tons of gifts and me, a guy who had lived a minimalist lifestyle in a tiny house in the woods for the past 8 years!
Logistics. Understanding who will be there and what the day might look like helps. How long will we be there? When will we arrive, when will we leave? What will we eat? what do we need to bring? will there be activities? Knowing the answers to questions like these help to diminish some anxiety.
My girlfriend is so thoughtful that she offered that we could drive separately so that I could leave early if I needed to. I chose to stay with her and her family until she was ready to go.
Also, remembering the basics is important- good sleep the night before, staying hydrated, eating well and in a balanced way. Avoiding stress eating or over eating.
Stress Reduction Strategies the Day of A Big Event
Activities or roles.
I do best in social settings when I’m engaged in activities or have an active role. for example, if I can play bocce or cornhole then I’m moving my body and the focus is more on the game than on pure social interchange and small talk. Positive interaction with less pressure. Board games and card games are good for this too. My family loves “bullshit”, a simple, lively all inclusive card game.
The same goes for a role- fire tender, cooking duties, or other roles can be ways to participate and contribute while having less social pressure. I used to bring my guitar to parties and play acoustic background music. People appreciated it, and it removed me from the pressure of conversing.
Finding my people, doing one to one convos. I find that I’m best with 1 on 1 interactions, so I often find one or two people at a party that I have an easy connection with and spend time getting to know them.
Take off. I learned a couple of decades ago that I could just excuse myself to my partner and go walk the neighborhood for awhile. If i knew she would be talking for another 1.5- 2 hours, I might go walk for an hour and come back refreshed for the final goodbyes.
Ask questions. If I find myself in conversation I like to ask questions and practice being a good listener. People love to tell their stories. So I let them. Plus I learn a lot
Some Science- HRV and the 2 day Recovery Lag
The day after the big Christmas to-do my HRV (heart rate variability) when I awoke was 62. That’s very good and at the high end of my target range. Enough to make me think I did great and did not accumulate any stress on Christmas Day.
It was very surprising when I wake the second day after Christmas and my HRV was at 42, a twenty point dip!
So what happened there? I felt the dip energetically the afternoon of the day after Christmas. My body used my reserves to rebound me from social stress immediately following the stress inducing event, but then it wanted to collect the debt the next day. This is normal. I hindsight I probably should have planned on getting extra sleep for the night of and the night after Christmas to help me rebound.
Here are some strategies for shortening your recovery window and nurturing yourself. [I’ll drop more in depth 2 day lag science of recovery below for nerds like me].
Post Event Recovery for ADD and Introverts
What I’ve learned about recovery after major social events where my social battery has been depleted.
Pushing myself physically in the day or two after is ill advised. Restorative yoga and easy walks are best. These are recovery days.
Decompression with TV or a good book work great for downshifting and recovering.
Extra sleep- always a good idea for recovery.
Meditation, breath work, hydration, electrolytes are all helpful. On keto, a shot of BHB [ beta-hydroxybutyrates] can help too.
Science for Nerds- 2 Day Recovery Lag Explained
Inflammation timing: Cytokines peak ~24–72 hrs after dietary or psychosocial stress
Cortisol rhythm: Stress hormones normalize first; autonomic balance lags
Sleep architecture: Deep sleep disruption can show up the second night
Allostatic load: Body compensates short-term, then repays the debt later
HRV = lagging marker: It reflects recovery state, not the stress moment
Anything I missed? Drop a comment!
If you like this post you might like this one 180 Days of HRV Monitoring: What I Learned About Recovery, Deep Sleep, and Managing Anxiety
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