Have you have ever found yourself white-knuckling a hobby that used to bring you joy?
The Joy of Pickleball, and the Obsession
I absolutely loved pickleball when I first discovered it. My son had played while visiting family in CA and came back and said “Dad, you’re going to love this! We quickly made it a regular family thing- my son and his girlfriend, my daughter, plus other friends. We played a few times a week and it was pure joy!
Playing, spending time with friends and family, chasing the yellow wiffleball and getting exercise and fresh air- perfect!
Then I caught the bug. I wanted to see how good I could get. I saw better players and wanted to get into those higher level games. People asked me if I was going to play in this tournament or that one. My ADD obsession took over and I learned everything I could about technique and strategy. I nerded out on paddle technology.
Somewhere along the way, my favorite stress reliever became my biggest stressor. It took stepping away completely for a year to gain the perspective I needed to see why.
The Trap of the Hierarchy
From beginner level up to about about a 3.5 rating, pickleball was pure joy. Just out there whacking a wiffleball around and laughing.
The priorities were exercise, connection with friends and family, and fun.
But then, the grind set in. I decided I wanted to get better. I set my sights on reaching a 5.0 rating, maybe even shooting for senior pro status. I started organizing regular games, managing groups of players on pickleball apps, and running league teams.
I found myself caught on the hamster wheel of the pecking order. I felt the social stress of exclusivity—trying to catch the attention of the players above me, while awkwardly leaving behind the players below me. I was so afraid of losing my edge that I ignored my own body, playing through chronic tennis elbow, sesamoiditis (ball of foot in jury), a bruised heel, a pulled hamstring, and even a broken second toe.
The Extrovert’s Arena
Another factor in my burnout that I didn’t realize at the time was that I had put my specific biology into an environment designed to drain it.
Pickleball is inherently an extrovert’s arena. The courts are packed. There is constant activity, tons of noise, kibitzing on the sidelines, and endless tournaments filled with socialization during downtime.
For an introvert with an ADD brain, that is a massive cognitive load. I have what I like to call a “Ferrari nervous system with bicycle brakes.”
It is incredibly difficult for me to stay even and calm amidst heated, highly stimulating competition. Taking on the logistical stress of organizing regular games and leagues on top of the sensory overload and social dynamics of packed courts completely fried my circuits.
Infinite Players vs. Zero-Sum Players
The turning point for me was realizing that not everyone plays for the same reasons. Because pickleball is largely played in open, communal settings, you don’t always get to choose your four favorite people and isolate yourselves like I did when I started out with friends and family.
I eventually realized I thrive when I play an “infinite game”—playing for the sake of the game, the exercise, and the joy of improvement. But competitive environments attract “zero-sum” players. These are folks who feel they have to win to prove their value. They throw tantrums, bring grim, clenched-teeth energy to the court, and create a toxic environment just to get what they want.
I had to learn to simply say no to playing with people who drained my battery. My new barometer became: How do I feel after a game with this person?
Finding Your Peace
The process of drilling, building skills, and growing should be fun. But when you are driven by a fear of missing out or a fear of falling behind, growth just becomes a slog.
I did this to myself. I chased status, ignored my nervous system, and temporarily spoiled a beautiful game for myself. Taking a year off gave my body time to heal and my mind time to reset. I might eventually find a fun, balanced place for pickleball again. Or I might just take up disc golf in the quiet woods.
My takeaway? Whatever your outlet is, keep your balance. Audit your environments, choose your playing partners wisely, and remember that it’s supposed to be fun!
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If you like this, let me know in the comments. I spent 4 years addicted to pickleball and played at a 4.0+ level in tournaments and leagues. I can write more. Here’s another pickleball post: How I Healed Extreme Sesamoiditis (Ball of Foot Injury From Too Much Pickleball)
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