My mom is 86. A healthy, strong 86.
What I notice as she gets older is that she’s increasingly both child-like, and childish.
Childlike wonder and appreciation for the natural world and things like children, dogs, or her new home.
Childish in her impatience and the extreme poles of her delight and disdain, which can shift like the wind.
Wrapped inside this ever changing veneer are the golden nuggets of wisdom and insight from 86 years lived passionately and with presence.
I’ve been closer to my mom than ever as we’ve navigated the process of building two homes on my country property over the past year. We’ve camped in an RV (for her) and a “shed” with no running water for me and had daily contact.
Though I’ve shielded her from much of the process and decision making, she wants to be involved and informed and has peppered me with questions regularly, often daily. It’s been exhausting at times, like having a curious toddler asking why? Why? Why? What’s that? What’s next? Are we there yet?
Now we’re in the home stretch and the dynamic swings between her beatific joy and gratitude and her rants of I’m done, I’m just f-ing done” seem to have accelerated.
I realize that in addition to coordinating all of the details of the house builds, the contracts, design, financing, logistics, interactions with the builder and subcontractors, and a multitude of timely decisions– plus my hands-on carpentry contributions– I’ve also been her emotional buffer and occasional punching bag.
I’m grateful that I’ve only lost my patience with her a handful of times over a year’s journey.
For her part, she’s lost her former tiny house, which she thought was her forever home, and lived in a camper for 10 months. A camper that’s had issues with major roof leaks and electrical failures. And she’s living in the 24′ RV with a dog and 2 cats to boot. Cozy bordering on claustrophobic.
So as I write this she’s “done, f-ing done” again, but she can’t be because there are still a few weeks to go before she can settle into her new house. And that day can’t come soon enough for me!
I will look forward to days on end of her happily settling her home and being with her animals, and me not needing to explain anything to her or update her.
I will be able to leave the property and go to the beach to spend time with my fiancee.
I will have more mental space.
I will have less cringing and shoulder hunching in anticipation of another Yosemite Sam outburst from her!
I love my mom. She’s an amazing woman and she’s navigated this bumpy rollercoaster with a lot of grace. It’s a rare octogenarian that would match her poise.
But boy, I have to say, I’m done, f-ing done too!